


Valentine's Day Non-Date (AKA Lambert Was Fucking Right)

by Arvari



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: (see Idiots in Love), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff, how the fuck does Lambert always find his way into my fics?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29412195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arvari/pseuds/Arvari
Summary: “Excuse me? I’m twenty-nine, you asshole, I’m nowhere near being a coffin dodger like you, thank you very much!”“Yeah, whatever. When’s your birthday again? I’ll buy you a cane.”“See? I’m single and old! I’ll spend the rest of my life all alone, die alone and then I’m gonna be eaten by my cats.”“You don’t have a cat.”“I will. Because I’m gonna turn into a little old cat lady!”“I wouldn’t worry about it, because I won’t be able to afford an apartment on my own anytime soon,” Geralt laughs. “I’m just gonna keep living with a twenty-nine-year-old roommate who plays in a semi-famous local band, fucks everything that moves, steals my gaming laptop to play Sims and serenades my ass when he’s bored.”“It’s a gorgeous ass,” Jaskier smiles dreamily. “So perfectly round and firm…”“Oh, fuck off, Jask,” Geralt chuckles.“You know what we should do tomorrow?” Jaskier frowns, thinking. “We should go on a non-date together!”“Non-what?”
Relationships: Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 5
Kudos: 128





	Valentine's Day Non-Date (AKA Lambert Was Fucking Right)

“It’s just… So _unfair_!” Jaskier whines, downing his glass of wine and holding it out to be refilled.

“Yeah, I know. I know,” Geralt murmurs, turns the bottle upside down and frowns confusedly when only a drop falls out. “Fuck. Are we out again?”

“Looks like it,” Jaskier nods solemnly. “Ugh, it’s probably for the best. I think I’m a little drunk, Geralt.”

“No shit,” Geralt chuckles.

“You don’t understand. I’m just… I’m a very romantic person, you know?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it _romantic–_ ”

“But I am! And it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow and I’m not gonna have a date for the first time in _years_!”

“Good. Valentine’s Day is bullshit, anyway,” Geralt mutters. “That’s your biggest problem?”

“Is it not _enough_?!”

“Boo fucking hoo. Look at me. I’m single too, you know?”

“Trust me, I know.”

“Good. Because I am! I’m almost forty, I got a divorce last year, and I’m so fucking broke I can’t even get my own apartment and have to have a thirty-year-old–”

“Excuse me? I’m twenty-nine, you asshole, I’m nowhere _near_ being a coffin dodger like you, thank you very much!”

“Yeah, whatever. When’s your birthday again? I’ll buy you a cane.”

“See? I’m single and _old_! I’ll spend the rest of my life all alone, die alone and _then_ I’m gonna be eaten by my cats.”

“You don’t have a cat.”

“I will. Because I’m gonna turn into a little old cat lady!”

“I wouldn’t worry about it, because I won’t be able to afford an apartment on my own anytime soon,” Geralt laughs. “I’m just gonna keep living with a _twenty-nine-year-old_ roommate who plays in a semi-famous local band, fucks everything that moves, steals my gaming laptop to play Sims and serenades my ass when he’s bored.”

“It’s a gorgeous ass,” Jaskier smiles dreamily. “So perfectly round and firm…”

“Oh, fuck off, Jask,” Geralt chuckles.

“You know what we should do tomorrow?” Jaskier frowns, thinking. “We should go on a non-date together!”

“Non-what?”

“Non-date! Like a date, but like… as friends. Because we are. Friends.”

“You wanna go on a date that’s not a date… On Valentine’s Day.”

“You said it was bullshit, didn’t you? So what’s a bigger _fuck you_ to the day than going for a friendly dinner with your roommate slash friend?”

Geralt sighs, closing his eyes. The world is beginning to spin a little.

“Just for the record, if I refuse to go,” he mutters, “are you gonna spend the whole evening drinking, crying, listening to terrible pop love songs and, well, being all miserable?”

“Probably, yeah.”

“Oh, whatever. I’m in.”

Geralt opens is eyes just in time to see Jaskier grinning at him.

“Are you? Oh, Geralt! I promise it’s gonna be the best non-date you’ve ever been on!”

And then Jaskier wraps his arms around Geralt and kisses him on the cheek and Geralt knows he’s just made a horrible mistake.

“You,” Lambert says when he finally stops laughing, “are a fucking idiot, Wolf.”

“I know,” Geralt sighs, hiding his face in his hands. “It’s a horrible idea.”

“What, to go on a date–”

“A non-date.”

“Even worse. To go on a non-date with a roommate you’ve been madly in love with for the past eight months, on a fucking Valentine’s, knowing he’s not even gonna fuck you when you get back home – because, let’s face it, getting laid is the reason why people really go to those pretentious dinners… That’s incredibly stupid even for you!”

“You’re right. I’ll just cancel it.”

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s stupid!”

“It is, but you can’t do that to poor Jaskier, can you? And who knows, maybe you _will_ get laid in the end.”

“That’s bullshit, Lambert,” Geralt sighs.

“Is it? I don’t know. He likes sex, doesn’t he?”

“Yes, but he’s my _roommate_ , for fuck’s sake!” Geralt shakes his head. “What about you? How are _you_ spending Valentine’s Day?”

“Oh, we’re gonna stay at home. Aiden’s bought a new strap and he refuses to show me, so there’s no way in hell I’m gonna wait for a whole fucking dinner.”

“Patience is a virtue, you know?” Geralt chuckles just as Lambert’s boyfriend places two cups of coffee on the coffee table in front of them. “Thanks, Aiden.”

“You’re welcome,” Aiden smiles. “And don’t listen to the asshole. He’s the one who started it. He said he bought me something special for Valentine’s Day and then he refused to tell me what it was. This is just a little revenge.”

“What did you buy?” Geralt asks, turning to Lambert.

“An engagement ring,” Lambert shrugs, smiling.

“See?” Aiden smirks. “Every time I ask him, he just thinks of another stupid thing he could give me. I’ve heard like fifty of those already, from lace lingerie to a puppy. This one’s probably the best yet, though. As if you’d ever propose, you bitch.”

He slaps Lambert on the head playfully and returns to the kitchen.

Geralt raises an eyebrow questioningly and taps his left ring finger.

Lambert smiles and nods.

_For real?_ Geralt mouths silently.

Lambert just nods again.

“Well, _fuck_ ,” Geralt chuckles.

“Yeah, well. At least one of us is gonna get laid tonight, right?” Lambert laughs.

“What are you wearing, anyway?” Aiden asks, coming back with his own cup of coffee.

“Oh, you know, the usual. It’s not a date, remember?” Geralt shrugs.

“So, black jeans, black shirt, that wolf medallion of yours… Poor Jaskier,” Aiden nods.

“More like poor me,” Geralt sighs. “I don’t even want to know what _he_ is going to wear…”

The answer is purple jeans, white shirt, a dark grey waistcoat, an excessive amount of silver rings… and dark red lipstick.

Geralt nearly faints when he sees Jaskier for the first time, and then every single time he looks at him.

Jaskier looks simply beautiful, more beautiful than Geralt has ever seen him, and Geralt simply cannot take it. It wasn’t just a stupid idea, it was a completely _idiotic_ idea, and the only thing that keeps him from running away is the fact that he’s doing it to keep Jaskier from being sad.

He’s near oblivious to everything that happens during the dinner except the parts which directly involve Jaskier. That’s why he, when asked later, has no idea what he was even eating but can easily describe the way a stray drop of red wine stained Jaskier’s lower lip.

No matter what he tries to tell himself, it’s not a dinner between two friends – at least for him it isn’t. It’s a date. The only date he will ever have with Jaskier, probably.

And perhaps that’s the reason why, when the door of their apartment closes behind them and Jaskier smiles at him and thanks him for the dinner and says that it was the loveliest evening he’s had in months, Geralt does the one unthinkable thing he just can’t stop thinking of – he grabs the back of Jaskier neck to bring him closer and then simply _kisses him_.

He feels Jaskier hesitate and he’s nearly sure he’s royally fucked up just now, but then Jaskier sighs and wraps his arms around Geralt and kisses him _back…_

And that’s the point when Geralt stops thinking at all.

“Well, that was… unexpected,” Jaskier chuckles into Geralt’s hair.

“Mhm,” Geralt smiles and snuggles up closer to him. He feels light-headed, perfectly fucked out, content… happy.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do this?” Jaskier continues, his fingers drawing lazy circles on Geralt’s skin. “Melitele’s tits, it was even better than I imagined.”

That makes Geralt lift his head and look into Jaskier’s eyes.

“You _imagined_ it?” he asks.

“You really have no idea how hot you are, do you?” Jaskier laughs. “Oh, Geralt. The serenades to your ass were no joke. I just never thought you’d be interested.”

“Interested? Jaskier, I’ve been in love with you since… _Fuck_ ,” Geralt whines and buries his head in Jaskier’s shoulder. “Forget I said that. Please, forget I said that.”

“Never,” Jaskier says, wrapping his arms around Geralt. “I love you too, you big moron.”

“ _Oh_.”

“Oh, indeed,” Jaskier murmurs as Geralt lifts his head again.

“So…” Geralt says, licking his lips. “I guess it’s safe to say the non-date didn’t go very well, did it?”

“Quite the opposite, dear heart,” Jaskier grins. “I’d say it went _splendidly_.”

“I thought the point of a non-date was to have a nice dinner and stay… friends.”

“But you are still my friend, Geralt. My best friend,” Jaskier smiles and runs his fingers through Geralt’s white hair. “You just happen to be my lover now, too.”

“Does that mean you’re gonna be serenading me much more often from now on?”

“Absolutely.”

Geralt chuckles, pressing his lips against Jaskier’s.

“All right. I guess I can live with that…”


End file.
